CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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