Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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