Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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