when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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