I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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