You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My feet surprised me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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