Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
