I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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