She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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