I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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