90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
