I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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