and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
