Got a toothbrush?
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
