Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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