Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
