apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
