i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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