ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
