Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
