Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize