Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize