I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
