I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
