my phone needs a breathalizer
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
