He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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