i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
