There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
