oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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