At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
