i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
