If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
