she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
