she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
