the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
