Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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