franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
