My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
