Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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