saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
