I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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