I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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