I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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