At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let's get the cat blown out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize