fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We had sex on a dog bed..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
