the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
