My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
