He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
