I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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