I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
