She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
