Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
