Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
