I got chris browned last night
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
