Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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