On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like abortions should bother me more
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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