You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
