I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
