I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
