if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
