you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
