Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
