Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
