bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
