Me too!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
