things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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