I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
