It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize