dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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