You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
