Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
